One of the things that people often comment on at the beginning of their practice is that as they start to practise, they start to change, and their friendships are not the same as they were before. What their friends want to do is not necessarily what they want to do. What they want to do, their friends do not really want to do. These new Dharma practitioners say, “What’s happening? Is Dharma taking me away from my friends? That’s no good.” or, “What’s wrong with me that I don’t want to do what I used to do? They’re my friends forever. (Actually, they aren’t, but we think they are) And it would be terrible for me to abandon them….” All sorts of confusion come into their heads.

This is very typical and normal. It does not have to be a problem, because even without the Dharma — let us say that you never met the Dharma — are all your friendships going to stay the same forever? Are the people that you are friends with now necessarily going to be your friends in five years or ten years? If you moved across the country to get another job, are you going to stay in touch with these people and be as close to them as you are now? In a normal life, our friendships ebb, grow, change, morph and everything else. It is nothing to get all upset about. It is just a very natural kind of process when they start to change because of the Dharma.

It does not mean that we must cut off our old friends: “You are bad for me, get out of here!” Come on, they are kind sentient beings. We are kind to them. We are compassionate. We are polite. But as our values change, the way we relate to them is obviously going to change. There is nothing wrong with that as it is a very natural thing. It is nothing to blame the Dharma on. It is nothing to feel guilty about. It is just impermanence at work in our world.

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