May I be beloved by beings and may they be more beloved by me than myself. May their bad deeds ripen upon me and may all my virtue, without exception, ripen upon them.

When we do the taking-and-giving meditation, we are transforming our body, possessions and virtue into all the material things people need, as well as their ability to make connections and in turn experience love and affection. It is not saying, “May I be loved by beings,” in the usual egotistical sense of, “May they like me because I’m emotionally needy and can’t stand on my own two feet.” Rather, we wish for an affectionate connection with them in which we can benefit them and lead them on the path.

The statement “may they be more loved by me than myself ” does not mean putting ourselves down and believing we are worthless. It means that instead of us just following our self-centred mind like the donkey with the ring in its nose that is being led here and there by the self-preoccupied mind, we cherish others more than ourselves because this frees us from the bonds of our self-centredness. When we think only about ourselves, we use others and any love or affection we have for them only because they will give us something. If we approach others with the attitude “what can I get out of them?”, we will never be satisfied because we are not believing in ourselves. We are thinking it is other people’s job to fill us up.

We must learn how to love ourselves as valuable human beings with Buddha potential who can contribute to the welfare of both ourselves and others. Instead of just being involved in our needs and wants, we can ask, “How can I help you? What can I share with you? How can I listen to what’s important to you and what you need?” Many psychological studies have verified that we feel much happier and more fulfilled when we are able to be generous and contribute to the wellbeing of others. However, we still have to learn it, so let us try and go in that direction when we engage with others.

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