The ten virtues that are related to speech include speaking truthfully, using our speech to create harmony, speaking with kindness, and speaking at appropriate times. This latter one is the opposite of idle talk. Refraining from idle talk requires some finesse and quite a bit of mindfulness because some thoughts come out of our mouths immediately without us having assessed the situation — whether it is a convenient time for the other person, whether it is an appropriate place, whether we have thought about what we want to say, and whether we are speaking meaningfully. A lot of the time this impulsive speech becomes idle talk, and in bad situations, it becomes harsh speech or lying or speech that creates disharmony. It is very important that we learn to speak at appropriate times and moderate how much we say, our volume, and our tone of voice. The content, the timing, the delivery, the motivation — all these aspects of speech require us to slow down and think a bit. It is really a deep practice.

Let us put it at the top of our list and think about it as we are walking around today. Determining what is appropriate to say also includes not making assumptions and explaining things well to somebody. Sometimes we get the idea that to avoid idle speech we just would not talk much, but under-communicating can create a lot of misunderstandings. If we are working on a project with someone, we must communicate about it, or when we are giving instructions, we have to give complete instructions and not just assume other people know what we want. We need to repeat things sometimes because people often do not hear them the first time. It is also good to check with people and make sure they understand what they are supposed to be doing instead of saying one sentence and making assumptions.

It is very hard to restrain ourselves when we have something to say at an inappropriate time. We just want to relieve the stress of keeping it inside, so we say it, but the other person does not hear it, or they hear it but misunderstand us because they were preoccupied or busy doing something else. Then we get a result that we do not want. It is very interesting to sit and watch strong impulses speak, what they feel like in the body, and our motivations behind them.

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