Geshe-la said during one of his teachings that he had struggled with raising his sister’s children because they were very naughty and rebellious. Sensing his aggravation, his brother had told him, “This is only a relationship of this life, so cool down. You’re doing the best you can.” That is a very good perspective to take, not only towards difficult relationships but also those where there are a lot of attachments. In both relationships, we are making the person way too solid, believing that there is a real self and then getting attached or upset with it. We did not have this relationship with them in our previous lives and would not in future lives. If we do meet again, we will have a different kind of relationship because conditions will be different and so will be our personalities. We will be strangers, maybe even enemies.

This life comes and goes very quickly, so there is no reason to make everything concrete. Thinking in this way can be very helpful for working on relationships that involve a lot of attachment and clinging, or aversion and discomfort. Some people may say, “That doesn’t work for me,” but that is because they have never meditated on it or only thought about it when they were in the middle of an emotion. You cannot take in any new information in the heat of the moment, so you should work with these techniques during your daily meditation session when your mind is calm. It may take a lot of practice, but we will be able to maintain an even mind when the people we are attached to are having difficulties, dying, or when people whom we do not like are doing trips on us.

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