Consider a situation in which we make a mistake, and someone notices it. If that person were to come along and tell us we have a nose on our face, would we be angry? No. Why not? Because our nose is obvious. It is there for the world to see. Someone merely saw and commented upon it. Our faults and mistakes are similar. They are obvious, and people see them. A person noticing them is merely commenting on what is evident to everyone. Why should we get angry? If we are not upset when someone says we have a nose, why should we be when they tell us we have faults?

We would be more relaxed if we acknowledged, “Yes, you are right. I have made a mistake,” or, “Yes, I have that bad habit.” Instead of putting on a show of, “I’m perfect, so how dare you say that!” we could just admit our error and apologise. Having faults means we are normal, not hopeless. Frequently, acknowledging our errors and apologising diffuses the situation.

It is hard for us to say, “I’m sorry,” isn’t it? Our pride often prevents us from admitting our mistakes, even though both we and the other person know we made them. We feel that we will lose face by apologising or we will become less important or worthwhile. We fear the other person will have power over us if we admit our mistakes. To defend ourselves, we then attack back, diverting the attention from ourselves to the other. This strategy — which does not resolve the conflict — is commonly practised in kindergarten playgrounds, as well as in national and international politics.

Contrary to our fearful misconceptions, apologising indicates inner strength not weakness. We have enough honesty and self-confidence that we do not pretend to be faultless. We can admit our mistakes. So many tense situations can be diffused by the simple words, “I’m sorry”. Often all the other person wants is for us to acknowledge his or her pain and our role in it.

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