Reward and respect cause us to quarrel and make hearing, thinking, and meditating decline. For this reason, give up attachment to the households of friends, relations, and benefactors. This is the practice of Bodhisattvas. 

Most monastics are supported due to the kindness of others’ donations. There is a tendency sometimes to get attached to benefactors who provide the four requisites of food, clothing, shelter, and medicine. If one does not cultivate a sense of contentment in one’s practice, there is a tendency to get a little bit spoiled when we hang out a lot around lay people who dote on us and give us lots of offerings and respect. We may become manipulative or try to make friends with people who can provide the things we want or need but are not able to buy for ourselves. Our practice of hearing, thinking and meditating on the Dharma declines when we are too busy socialising with our friends, relations and benefactors. Another potential result is that we become jealous of other monastics with benefactors more generous than ours and do not want to introduce our benefactors to other monastics in case they start giving us less. The remedy for this kind of quarrelsomeness is having a genuine appreciation for the people who support us without any attachment to receiving better or more. We use their donations wisely without wasting them and always dedicate ourselves to their welfare. 

Monastics tend naturally to befriend other monastics or Buddhists and have more of such friends as time goes by. I have seen monastics who have remained mentally and emotionally close to their families struggle when their families still want them to go on family vacations and come to family dinners and do lots of things with them. This does not mean we go to the other extreme of dismissing all our previous relationships or being contemptuous of old friends. We remain very indebted to our family and should have lots of respect and appreciation for our parents and help them. Likewise, we need to have an incredible sense of gratitude for our other benefactors since it is due to their kindness that we have the opportunity to practise the Dharma and live this kind of life. 

As monastics, it is important that we do not get haughty or arrogant and we should remain humble and appreciative of what others do for us. We pray for their well-being, not only for their health, long life, and the ability to practise in this life, but also that they meet the Dharma in future lives and have the inclination to ordain so that they can quickly attain awakening. We should also rejoice at the merit our benefactors create because it is said that one accumulates an incredible amount of merit when he or she helps the Sangha, which speeds your own awakening. Monastics too can use whatever material means they have to promote the continued existence of the Dharma and the stability of the Sangha. 

“365 Gems of Wisdom” First Volume (January — March) e-book is out now!